~*~ IsAbEl ThUrStOn ~*~

Hi Claire,

Welcome to your new city, babes! And you know what, queen? I was just thinking about this today.

Every summer (stick with me) my husband and I travel to Cape Cod to attend our friend’s summer party. Every year, I am terrified. I am terrified of the setting (Cape Cod culture is a foreign culture to me) I am terrified of not knowing anyone, and I'm terrified that I'll say something stupid, like to the magnitude where it keeps me up for the next 8-10 business months. Yikes!

It sounds like the world is your party and you're nervous to start a conversation with the other, unknown-to-you guests.

First of all, THE WORLD IS YOUR PARTY! (Say it back!) Go do the things you love. Local concerts, places of worship, rock climbing gyms, gay line-dancing. When I’m at my favorite places, I use my “I’m-at-a-scary-party-in-the-Cape” rules. Here they are, for your viewing pleasure.

1). Everyone else is just as nervous as you. There’s NO places for adults to practice making friends. You’re not alone.

2). Start with a compliment. “I love your mullet” becomes “my name is Isabel” really quickly for me.

3) Most people with mullets want to be your friend.

4) Plug into a community. When you’re at the places you love, look for the organizers. For example, my friend Aviva basically RUNS the queer line-dancing scene in Boston. They would introduce you to EVERY.PERSON.IN.THE.ROOM if you asked them to. And voila! New friends for toi!

And if "here" is Boston, come visit us at Goofs up in Somerville.

Hi P,

Thanks for asking, angel <3 I'm sorry Boston is starting to feel like a sinking ship!

Stick with me here. I once went whale watching with ONE HUNDRED MIDDLE SCHOOLERS off the coast of Boston. Over 30 kids threw up. I watched one student throw up, and the wind took it directly into his classmates face. I personally threw up 5 times, but in a very discreet, sexy, mysterious way. Everyone said so.

It sounds like you might feel like the kid with throw up in his face. OR you feel like one of the kids throwing up. Either way, that's really sucky. Here are two thoughts that might help you out.

1) Are the "whales" worth it? Have you discovered friends, connections, and opportunities here that have made it worth the hard times? If so, you might want to see if the sea will calm down. And trust me, the sea will likely ease in some way.

2). You wanting to bail might already be a signal. One of my inspirations for this column, Cheryl Strayed, says "wanting to leave is enough." If you're looking for permission, trust yourself. YOU decide where your boat docks after all this mess. And maybe that dock isn't Boston.